


Walking Contradiction

by Neil



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Hurt Reid, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Swearing, Triggers, Worried Morgan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 18:35:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6126210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neil/pseuds/Neil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was an FBI Agent, he knew exactly how sexual assault could affect a persons mind. You start questioning yourself, blaming yourself. You suffer from extreme anxiety that can lead to depression and in some cases, from fear of humiliation and exposure, you push yourself to hiding any evidence of ever being attacked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking Contradiction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to my first fanfiction! This is a oneshot I wrote at 3 AM at my friends place, so if you find any mistakes you can blame my foggy brain. Also - English is not my native language, so bear with me. This fic deals with rape, so do not read if you are triggered by such things.  
> the name of this fic was borrowed from a Green Day song. It is in no way associated with the fic, as I mostly used it because I couldn't come up with a good name.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do (unfortunately) not own Criminal Minds or its characters. They belong purely to CBS and the genius that is Jeff Davis.
> 
> For now this story is just a sad oneshot. I might continue with it sometime in the future, but don't get your hopes up!

Spencer had never really been one for action movies. To be honest, he rarily enjoyed modern cinema at all. All movies were filled with CGI and other special effects that people were brain washed to believe to actually look good. There were a few very good old classics with thought-out script, talented acting and original content... but that's just what they were; old classics. There was only one thing that could convince Spencer to watch a modern action film. That one thing was actually a person, Derek Morgan. It wasn't like Spencer was constantly at the older man's mercy or anything like that. It was more like just watching the enthusiasm and excitement in Morgan's face as the cinema screen lit his whole soul up gave Spencer a warm feeling of admiration and belonging. That someone who encountered danger and suspense every week while on the job could get so thrilled from watching action appear on a screen was truly extraordinary. To be honest, Spencer barely ever paid any attention to the cinema screen, most of his time was spent sneakily looking sideways into the stupendousness that is Derek Morgan. Not that he would ever let the man in question know, of course.

This particular action movie had been the usual: loud explosions, lots of blood and gore with unrealistic plot lines. However, as Spencer, Morgan and Garcia came out of the crowded cinema, Spencer could only feel delightful. Putting some thought into it, he trusted his team with the world. Growing up, Spencer hadn't had that many friends. He was constantly bullied by the older kids at school, and the ones his age never really liked him at all. He always ended up laying in bed with his mom, listening to her read literature and poetry. In Quantico, however, Spencer had his own little family. They all worked together and Spencer couldn't wish for a safer environment. Here he had his own family, and they would all do anything for each other.

''Reid, you coming?'' Morgans voice snapped him back to reality, and so he looked over at his two friends. They were both watching him, waiting.

''What?'' Spencer finally responded, puzzled.

Morgan grinned his infamous, perfect smile. The one that could make any girl at any bar fall for him. The always present glint in his eye illuminated by the dim street light above their heads.

''You need to get out of that head of yours, kid. Leave the geniusness at work and take it easy.''

''Actually, 'geniusness' is not a word. You could think so by the all too popular significance of-''

The young genius was cut off when Morgan took is nose between his fingers. 

''Alright, alright. You hitching a ride with me, or are you taking the subway?'' Morgan asked as he lowered his hand again. He looked so sweet. So welcoming. Reid couldn't help but stare a little too long at the kind man in front of him. He cleared his throat and smiled back. 

''No, thanks. I'll probably take the subway tonight.''

Morgan caught Garcia's interested gaze. Her vibrant glasses brought on a playful feel to her innocent face.

''You sure, pretty boy? It's past 10 PM, and you don't have your gun with you.''

Morgan's protective mannerism made Spencer's whole body suddenly feel warmer. This was one of the mans stronger qualities, one of the many things that made him an exceptional FBI Agent. Being able to talk to and correctly handle victims and their loved ones was a must in their line of work.

Spencer lowered his gaze to the ground and nervously wiggled his foot around. ''I have taken the subway at night many times, Morgan. I surely won't be needing my gun.'' 

He looked back up and gave the older man a playful smile. Morgan responded by reaching forward and ruffling his floppy hair around.

''Alright, kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow, then.''

He then proceeded by turning to Garcia and kissing her softly on the cheek, before walking off towards his car and calling ''Goodnight, guys,'' over his shoulder.

Garcia and Reid silently watched their friend walk off, before turning back towards each other with smiles on their faces. Garcia then grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.

''Goodnight, Reid. See you tomorrow,'' she said, before letting go and turning around. Garcia lived only a few blocks away from the cinema, so she could easily just walk home.

Spencer sighed and started taking his first few steps towards the nearest subway station. He only had himself to blame, though. Morgan had asked if he wanted a ride home, after all. Spencer would have said yes, but he didn't want to bother Morgan. He had a girlfriend waiting for him.

Reid silently walked on, lost in his thoughts, when he suddenly heard a quick shuffling to his right. He turned his head, and before he could react he was forcefully tugged into the dark alleyway by a pair of rough hands. A quick yelp escaped his lips before he was thrown to the dirty ground. He lay there on his stomach for a few stunned seconds, gasping for air as he gripped his now hurting wrist.

''Disgusting faggot!'' a man yelled above him, before a hard kick was landed in his side. Reid groaned in pain as his body was lazily thrown to its back.

He finally looked up towards his attacker and caught the eye of a well-built man. The late night alleyway made it hard to see, but he could spot a grown man's face with a graying beard. The man was wearing a worn-out baseball cap with a maniacal stare gazing right at him. Reid knew he wouldn't have a chance against the bigger man in his already compromised position. As Morgan had stated earlier; He didn't have his gun with him.

The man took on a threatening position, meant to make him look meaner. Honestly, though, it mostly just made him look even more manical.

''You like sucking cock, huh? You little bitch!'' the man yelled before leaning down, reaching for Spencer's head. He took a handful of the now stringy and messed-up mop of hair and yanked it hard.

''This is what you like, isn't it?! You get off on being dominated by real men," he growled in his ear.

Spencer was starting to really freak out. What the hell was this man talking about? He gave Spencer's hair one last tug before harshly letting him go. The smaller man fell back on his hands and he immediately started scrambling back, away from his attacker. He stopped moving completely and held his breath when his back hit the brick wall of the alleyway.

Meanwhile, the man in front of him undid his belt. He was watching Spencer intently and threw him a dirty smile as he dropped it to the ground. He laid his lazy tongue to rest behind his lower lip as he undid and pulled down his pants. Spencer finally snapped out of his shocked state when he saw his attacker slowly walking towards him, completely naked waist down.

''Oh, no," he thought, and proceeded to convey to his last chance of getting out of the alleyway in one piece. He inhaled deeply, but before he could scream, a rough hand was placed tightly over his mouth and his head was banged hard against the brick wall behind him. In his hazy state, he could make out a dirty finger rising up in front of him, and his attacker forming his mouth into a round shape. Out came a hushing sound.

''We wouldn't want someone to ruin our fun, now would we?'' he snarled and proceeded to with one hand make quick work of Spencer's dress pants and boxers. The panicking man desperately punched and pushed against him with his weak arms, to no avail. He was easily grabbed by the wrists, and with one hand the man pushed his arms up over his head, successfully immobilising the two limbs.

''The more you struggle, the worse it's gonna get, pretty boy," the man snarled. ''Better to just lay back and enjoy the ride!''

He laughed as he positioned himself at Spencer's entrance. The smaller man shut his eyes tightly as his whole body tensed. He had never done this before. This... had never been done to him before. He had absolutely zero experience, but the logical part of his brain screamed at him to settle down and relax. It would just hurt more if he tensed up. He couldn't even begin to relax, however. He was too shocked to have any control of his body. He just laid there and thrashed with his more or less free legs.

Suddenly, then. Without warning or preparation, his attacker pushed hard into him, making his whole body rise up above the ground in pain. He groaned against the hand on his mouth, and he felt a lonely tear fall down his cheek.

''Damn, you are so fucking tight,'' the man moaned above him as he slowly pulled back a little. ''Almost like you've never had a dick in your plump little ass before.''

Spencer whined and gave a small sob as more tears started streaming down his face. His attacker once again pushed back inside of him, with just as much force as the first time. Spencer kept groaning as the pain got worse, which somehow seemed to just further encourage the man above him as he let out a low, throaty moan and sped up his pace.

Spencer slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the sky. He wished he could see the stars, they had always fascinated him. Sometimes when Spencer was a child, his dad would drive him out to the desert. The stars were beautiful from the inhabitated Nevada wastelands. All he could see now, however, was a black sky as the city lights made the stars fade.

The stronger man above him kept up his pace of going in and out. Spencer was but a shell now. He felt the things being done to him, and he felt the pain, but he couldn't bring himself to fight it or even care anymore. He just let it happen. He felt his attacker growing more and more out of breath as his thrusts got uneven. He picked up his pace and Spencer inwardly winced.

''Oh God, I'm gonna... I'm gonna come!'' the man groaned as he gave three more quick and forceful thrusts before leaning down and biting hard on Spencer's collarbone as not to scream in pleasure. When finally his climax was over, he collapsed onto the smaller man and let go of both his wrists and his mouth. He panted heavily against his throat for a few seconds before letting out a throaty laugh.

''That was the best fuck I've had in months!'' he yelled as he slowly raised to his feet.

Spencer, however, just laid there. Completely still and unmoving. He saw the man put his pants back on and snorted as he looked down on his victim.

''You're such a pathetic little brat. Look at you - tear-stained face and cum dripping out of your asshole. So... weak.''

Spencer couldn't find the energy to do anything. He watched the man put on his belt as he strode out of the alleyway, whistling a tune.

Spencer let several minutes go by before looking down on his battered body. His button up shirt was twisted, wet and dirty. His pants and boxers were crumpled together down by his ankles, and in the illuminated light of a street lamp he could see semen mixed with blood pooling between his legs.

With sheer willpower, Spencer managed to slowly and gently pull his pants back up. He didn't know what to do after that, though. His mind felt completely empty.

He was an FBI Agent, he knew exactly how sexual assault could affect a persons mind. You start questioning yourself, blaming yourself. You suffer from extreme anxiety that can lead to depression and in some cases, from fear of humiliation and exposure, you push yourself to hiding any evidence of ever being attacked.

He let out a silent sob.

He couldn't let anyone see him like this. But at the same time, as a doctor, he knew that if he didn't get help he'd lose his mind. He felt so exposed, so full of shame and humiliation. He groaned as he thought of the one person he needed the most right now. The one person that would help him in a heartbeat.

With shaky hands, Spencer reached down and pulled his cellphone out from his pocket. He called the first person on his quick dial and waited until Morgan picked up.

''Reid, wassup?''

''... Morgan,'' Reid whispered. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He didn't want Morgan to see him in this state.

''Hey, man. You okay? I just left 20 minutes ago. Did you change your mind and want a ride home anyway? Because that's fine, I ca-''

''Morgan, please. I need help,'' Reid tried. He barely noticed his voice cracking on the last word. He could hear loud shuffling on the other end, accompanied by heavy-sounding footsteps

''Alright, Reid, I'm on my way. Are you still by the cinema? Are you hurt?... Reid, Reid, talk to me!''

Spencer sucked in a shaky breath and dared continue.

''Just come to the cinema parking lot, okay?''

He could hear a door shut, followed by feet on pavement.

''I'm on my way right now, alright? I'll be right there,'' Morgan then opened his car door and threw himself behind the wheel.

Spencer didn't feel like talking anymore, so he hung up. He couldn't trust his voice to stay even, to be honest. He had to get himself together before Morgan got to him.

He cried out as he slowly stood up on shaky legs, using the brick wall as support. The pain in his bottom was excruciating as he made his way towards the alleyway opening. He kept on going without much thought, his mind was elsewhere, somewhere deep inside with his mother and her poems. It was a safe place. Maybe even a pleasant place. He stayed there until he once again found himself on the cinema parking lot. He looked back towards the alley, and realized it must have only been around 200 yards away. It certainly felt like he had been walking for ages.

Suddenly, he was blinded by a bright light. He held up a hand to block it from his view when he heard a familiar voice calling his name.

''Reid! Hey, What happened to you?!'' came Morgans worried tone. It made Reid so happy to finally hear it again, even though it had only been about 30 minutes since he last heard it.

Morgan turned off his engine and walked towards him. He immeadiately made a grab for Reid's shoulders, but the young genius inhaled quickly and stepped out of reach.

''Hey, Spencer, It's just me. It's just Derek, okay? I'm not going to hurt you,'' he said gently as he held his palms up in a kind and non-threatingly manner.

Reid just looked at him with sad and broken eyes. Derek had now time to throughly look him over and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. The kid's hair was all messed up, his face was dirty and tear stained while his clothes were battered and dirty. Looking closer, he realized his pants were bloody, and Derek glanced up to meet the man's fragile eyes.

''I'm not weak," Reid mumbled, before throwing himself around Derek's shoulders. He caught the smaller man and held on tight as powerful sobs rocked his entire body. All he could do was whisper soothing words into his ear, and they stayed like that for several minutes. The empty streets haunted Derek's vision as a few broken street lights flickered. In the corner of his eye he saw through a dirty window the colorful light of a television screen. How could whatever had happened to reid just take place without anyone appearently noticing? Why hadn't Derek been there to protect him?

When Spencer's sobs finally started dying down, Derek withdrew from him to stare soothingly into his hazel eyes. He put his hands gently on either side of his face and wiped his freshly fallen tears. The boy looked so broken. He couldn't even imagine what had happened to the usually happy and optimistic genius. Whoever had done this to him would have hell to pay.

''It'll be alright, kid. You're safe now,'' he promised.

Derek watched as Reid's tired and exhausted face slowly registered his words. They looked at eachother for a few more seconds before Derek pulled him in for another warm hug.

He could feel that the kid was about to collapse. His legs had been shaking ever since he found him and he didn't seem to even have the energy to hug Derek back. 

As he pulled back, he put his arm around the younger man's waist and held on for dear life. He would not let him go, ever again.

Steadily they made their way to Derek's car. He would drive the young man straight to the hospital so he could rest. They would figure this out, and Derek would find whoever had done this to his best friend.


End file.
